A flash in the pan

Tuna turned out to be a flash in the pan.  An afternoon of experimentation, then back to safe foods.  When asked, unsurprisingly, his favourite food is cheese.  And he eats it with every meal.  Even a porridge breakfast is finished off with a slice of cheese.  But he is eating well.  He has grown an amazing 3cm since we started the wean,  despite the wobbles and small set backs.  Weight wise he is slowly going up , though not quite as fast as his height.

We are close to having a date for Felix’s cardiac surgery.  As he is doing so well, there is no rush to rock the boat from any side, but it is looking like it will be end of May/beginning of June.  The final decision as to what approach they will be taking won’t be decided until he is actually on the operating table and the surgeon can have a physical look at his heart and assess as best as he can what Felix’s heart can cope with.  Fingers crossed for the Senning-Rastelli.  The very least they will do is to dedicate each ventricle to  a single function, but whether it will be the morphological one designed for the job it ends up doing (the double part of the double switch) we won’t know until afterwards.  Thinking about it all, I find myself holding my breath.

Unbelievably, canned tuna!

Felix was bored with all his usual food yesterday.  He kept going to the fridge and looking in and asking me what he could eat that was different.  None of my suggestions were of any interest to him.  It was just before lunch, and he was hungry.  I said, ‘let’s go on an eating adventure’.  We went to the supermarket and Felix started choosing the food he wanted to try.  The first thing he picked was Quavers, a sort of cheesy meltable crunchy crisp type thing that I was mad for as a kid.  Then he chose some custard desserts, called ‘creme caramel’.  Not my cup of tea at all, and though I knew he would not like them either, I had to go with it – you never know!  Then he chose some squeezy yoghurt, the kind that comes in a tube.  I think the only reason he wanted it was the pictures of Shrek on the box.  He has a habit of getting all excited about something in the shop but when we get home, he won’t even try it.  These impulse buys often end up in the bin as none of us want to eat them.  So I said to Felix that I would buy all these things, but he had to really PROMISE to try a tiny little bit of everything.  It didn’t matter if he didn’t like it, he could spit it out, but he had to taste it.  He agreed to that so off we went to the check out and back to the car.  The first thing he wanted to eat was the Quavers, he ate half a bag and said his stomach could not fit any more.  I remember that feeling as a kid, how delicious when you first open a bag, but slightly nauseating after a few.  Then we opened the yoghurt.  He was laughing as he brought it to his mouth and just as he was about to put his lips round it, he stopped and said ‘I’m afraid’.  I started laughing too and said it was ok to be afraid, and it was ok to spit it out if he didn’t like it, but he had promised to try.  So he let me put some on his lips, he licked, juddered and pushed the tube into my mouth.  So I ate it.  But he tried!

This was all in the back of the car outside the supermarket.  So we drove home and had some pasta and cheese for lunch. Then he wanted to open the custard.  He got a spoon, and was giggling.  But when I peeled back the lid and he looked inside he said ‘yeuch’ and got down off his chair.  Later on in the afternoon he said he wanted to do more ‘taste adventure’ and started looking round the cupboards again.  He settled on a can of tuna.  I said he would love this as it is salty, not too chewy and had a lovely flavour.  I opened the can and dug out a tiny flake, cut it in half and presented it on a little white china plate, dolly size, pretending to be a french waiter (he loves the movie Ratatouille about a rat in paris who becomes a world class chef…).  I served myself exactly the same and we had a tiny fork each.  He tried it without hesitation and loved it.  He licked the plate and asked for more.  I gave him another tiny portion and he started grinding black pepper on it.  I said ‘That’s really spicey, you might not need too much’.  But he carried on grinding, and when I said ‘That’s going to taste really hot, you might not like it’  the spell was broken.  He formed his mouth into a perfect circle and threw his head back and went ‘Waaaaah, Mummy you have ruined the taste adventure’.

I could have kicked myself.  I need to let him find these things out for himself.  But my instinct is to shield him from ANY negative taste experiences which I fear will put him off ALL FOOD.  Crazy mother!  I actually don’t need to do it at all.  I really will have to let him make these discoveries himself.  But thinking about it again today, he had probably finished with the tuna taste experience as soon as he started putting pepper on it anyway…….

I put the rest of the can in a bowl in the fridge on a low shelf he could see.  Later in the afternoon he asked for it again and had about a quarter of the remains, again on the tiny plate.  He enjoyed it, and didn’t reach for the pepper and I kept my mouth shut.

This is such a huge leap forward for him in terms of his confidence around food. And a great new discovery for him, as cheese has been his main protein source up to this.  He has eaten tiny amounts of chicken, prawn and salami before, but not with the (mostly) unrestrained enthusiasm he showed for tuna.  I think also because I was (mostly..) relaxed and we had made it into a game, there was no pressure for him.  It may be a one off, or he may take canned tuna in sunflower oil into his safe food circle, time will tell…

What a difference a year makes

We are just back from a holiday in an off season sea side resort in the South West of England.  We went last year to the same place at the same chilly time of year.  It is a tradition amongst a group of friends and relations (this year about 10 families) to go there at Easter.  It started about 15 years a go as a boys only surfing trip, then it evolved to include girlfriends,  and eventually children. We got invited last year but were a bit hesitant.  The accommodation is rudimentary (concrete floors, single bar electric heaters, a bit musty having been closed for the winter) and the weather would be cold.  Each family has one of these little chalets which are arranged in terraces in the sand dunes.  At the time, Felix was hooked up to his feeding pump for 14 hours a day and he had to have 4 bolus of water and meds 4 times.  So it would be quite a juggling act to fit it all in and not be totally housebound – feeding tubes and gastrostomies are not the best beach companions!  We decided to go for it as the benefits for the rest of us and Caitlin far out weighed the head wrecking aspect of Felix’s feeding regime.  But it was a total pain.  On rainy days while everyone else went on day trips, we stayed at the chalet, and Caitlin missed the company of the other children, Felix at 3 years was not so bothered yet.  Evening meals (where all the families got together) and bed time routines were all over the place which meant that sometimes Felix would not start his over night feed till 9pm so pushing his finish time into the morning.  This on top of the sleep broken by Felix wretching and vomiting, and vomiting 2 or 3 times during waking hours meant that by the end of the week I was addled and seriously suffering from cabin fever.  The whole week seemed relentless.

This Easter’s trip was a whole different ball game.  Apart from meds down the tube 4 times a day, Felix was free to roam!  And as a family, we spent lots of time building sand castles, walking to find ice cream and day trips to other beautiful places nearby.  Felix really got into the whole thing, the lack of routine, the freedom, being able to wander from chalet to chalet and socialise with the other familes independantly.  He could have snacks with the other children and try new foods – fish and chips were a real hit and he even made a good attempt at a cheese pasty that was bigger than his head!

Possibly a 10/10 dinner?

For dinner tonight I served my usual stir fry, (see post ‘I’m not poorly anymore’ for list of ingredients) served with steamed rice.  It went down really well with Felix a few days ago, (though that was with noodles) so I thought I would do it again.  I dished up Felix’s plate, and was not too fussy about what went on there; 3 or 4 pieces of broccoli, 2 pieces of carrot, 6 or 7 tiny bite size pieces of chicken, couple of bits of mushroom.  He ate the lot, broccoli stalks and all!!  He spat one mouthful which was just too big.  He gave a judder, then carried on.  And he had a choc-ice afterwards.  This was the end of an amazing day of eating.   His cheeks are back, his ribs are covered.  I am going to weigh him tomorrow.

“I like ‘picey sauce”

Felix didn’t want porridge this morning.  Shap and Caitlin were having eggy bread (similar to French Toast, but usually no sugar or cinnamon involved).  He used reverse psychology to spark Felix’s interest (‘..you wouldn’t like these Felix, they are just for me and Caitlin, you mustn’t touch them..’) which of course meant that he could not resist!  He ate three pieces, each about 2″ square, dipped in Worcestershire sauce, very savoury and spicy. I was still in bed when all this was going on.  He came and told me, “I like ‘picey sauce”.  First time for something seriously eggy and bready!!

Baking

Inspired by his cookery book, Felix baked and ate Gingerbread men yesterday (half of two).  Today, it was fairy cakes with rainbow iceing. Again, two halves went down.   He has also branched out in his ice cream preferences.  When we went shopping yesterday, he didn’t want to buy the usual box of 12 mixed mini choc ices.  He went for a box of neopolitan wafer ice cream sandwiches!  So he is now eating chocolate and strawberry ice cream as well as vanilla.

Fake it till you make it!

Tonight was the first time Shap was absent for dinner in a long while and I was very nervous of how I would handle it.  I have kept very much to the background the last week or so as I feel my presence at the table is counter productive.  So I have been busy in the kitchen bringing food and drinks and such while everyone else is sitting down to eat.  Shap has been brilliant at using reverse psychology techniques which appeal to Felix’s playful side.  He says things like ‘Look, I am going to put this bowl of broccoli on the table but no one is allowed to touch it’… Huge mock dismay when Felix takes some, that sort of thing.  It has been working amazingly.  Felix’s intake of nutritional food has gone right up.  I am starting to restrict choc-ices and crisps (he went off hula hoops some weeks ago).  So tonight, rather than being nervous and jittery and wincing every time something was spat or pushed away, I channelled Shap and ‘acted as if’ I was a confident Mum who know exactly what to do!  I played some games, got Caitlin chatting about school, we made up some silly mnemonics for some difficult spellings she had for homework while I watched/didn’t watch what Felix was doing with his food, and he ate loads more than he has with me for ages.  He ate about 20 pieces of shell pasta with butter, a big slab of emmental cheese, the fluffy bits of 2 small trees of broccoli, 1 small round of carrot and 3 bites of corn on the cob.  Absolutely nothing got spat.

Unbelievably, broccoli!

Felix wanted take away again tonight. That was out of the question. Caitlin wanted Pizza but Shap was sick of pasta and bready/wheaty things.  I had defrosted a portion of bolognaise sauce already.  So we had a sort of Friday night mezze of spaghetti, baked potatoes, bolognaise sauce, baked salmon, pizza and steamed broccoli.  I put it all on the table and everyone had a sort of pick ‘n’ mix dinner.  I am always nervous of putting anything in front of Felix in case it is not ‘just right’ or what he was expecting, and he has some sort of melt down.  I am sure he knows this.  So when ever possible, I ask Shap to prepare his dish.  He does it with confidence and I guess therefore has more success.  So tonight he put a little bit of spaghetti and a carefully selected spoonful of sauce  (mostly tomato and a couple of fingernail size bits of ground beef) in Felix’s bowl.  He started eating and he polished off all the sauce and a good bit of the pasta.  Absolutely no spitting!  Even more amazing, he reached for the bowl of steamed broccoli, picked a big bit and munched his way through the fuzzy part making ‘nam nam’ noises!

‘I’m not poorly any more’

Felix bounced back in style today.  His switch flipped to ‘hungry’ mode and he didn’t stop eating all day.  I asked him how he was feeling and he said ‘I’m not poorly any more!’  The highlight was dinner.  He wanted Yellow Rice (he only wants it from the Indian restaurant now, mine is out of favour) and as we had a big take-away last night and our waists and wallets were complaining, he didn’t get what he wanted.  We usually give into his every whim, but instead I cooked chicken marinated in sesame oil, Soya sauce, ginger and garlic, stir fried with mushroom, carrot, broccoli and spring onion.  I usually serve it with rice or noodle, depending on what is in the cupboard or how bored we are with either carbohydrate.  So Shap just put a plate down in front of him and called it ‘Mushroom Noodle’.    It was mostly that snipped small, with a couple of tiny pieces of chicken and broccoli.  It didn’t faze him at all.  He got right into it, using his fingers rather than spoon or fork; he actually sniffed the broccoli before chewing and SWALLOWING!!  First time for broccoli! Mushroom, lots of noodle and a bit of chicken also went down, though a lot of chicken got spat out.  He still finds meat tricky.  Shap said he would give it an 8/10 for a successful dinner, though we have not yet discussed what a 10/10 dinner would be!

Felix is Four!

Amazingly, the little scrap is now four years old and will be starting school in September.  I know a lot of the other children who will be starting with him.  Felix seems so young in comparison.  He is still in nappies, still needs dressing/undressing (though he is getting quite good at getting trousers and socks off), and he is still quite wobbly on his legs as he has only been walking for 15 months.  He is at least a head smaller than most of them – even the girls seem to be towering over him.  Hopefully his advanced language and cognitive skills will help even up the balance.

Another virus this week really laid him low.  He spent most of it collapsed on the sofa dozing and watching DVDs or being read to.  Occasionaly he would slither off and play with his trains (usually about an hour after some paracetemol) for twenty minutes and then get back to the DVD.  So of course, his eating went into ‘maintenance’ mode.  Cheese, Cheerios and Apple Juice was all he could manage, and only in tiny amounts.  His nappies were dark but ok.  His ribs reappeared.  I dread putting him on the scales.

He wanted spaghetti bolognaise for dinner yesterday, an unusual request, even on a good day.  Not surprisingly, he didn’t each much and got really annoyed with it all, spitting the food out of his mouth.  Watching him like this is really hard for me.  Even though I KNOW he will bounce back and be fine in a week or so, every time we have a disastrous meal or a day when he eats very little, it affects me in a visceral way.  I  get butterflies and lose my own appetite.  I try so hard not to let my stress show, but I know it does.  Thankfully, Shap has got a much more balanced/glass half full perspective (look, he asked for spag bol, he WANTED spag bol, he put it in his mouth and he chewed!  That’s positive!).  While with every spit/throw/refusal, I am looking down the barrel of the tube again – the memory of those awful years is just under the surface. It doesn’t take much to bring it all back.